Self-Nurturing

Is it really possible to give to our inner child what our parents did not give us?

Yes it is. Inner child work is not just some psycho babble. It can be done, but much work is required before one can start to do it.

Working with the inner child requires one to take an objective look at what did happen to us as children. We must face it. In the light of our present consciousness, it melts before us.
It cannot stand in the light of day...in present time...because decisions we made as children about how the world works, what we deserved as a part of that world and what we could create were all based on FEAR.
FEAR seemed very real to us as children and if we continue to live from primarily a fear based perspective, it can have very limiting effects on our lives.

What is the difference between what you have achieved in your life and what you have dreamed of, but not yet achieved?

Or what about the dreams that you have....that you have told no one of, that perhaps you haven't even said out loud because you won't allow yourself to dream that big?

You are on this earth to do something special...to do something unique...to do something no one else will ever be able to do quite the way that you do it.

Who do you admire and why do you admire them?

Typically, the people we most admire have qualities that we have yet to fully appreciate within ourselves. We can see it in them, but not in ourselves.

Why is that?

It is because somewhere along the way in our lives, we encountered a situation that our mind judged to be bad for us.
It is important to understand that these judgments only happen in the mind.

Our Spirit does not judge a person or situation in our life. Our Spirit accepts what is.

Our mind is a self-protection mechanism. But when faced with real or perceived dangers, the mind enacts defenses to protect us against them. Psychologists call these "ego defenses."

Make no mistake. We ALL have ego defenses.

But we do not all "install" the same ego defenses in the same way. Because humans have a limited range of emotions though, we have all felt similar things; albeit in different circumstances throughout the course of our lives.

We all encountered situations during our childhoods that our minds made judgments about. Our minds kept running those situations through our minds trying to figure out how to deal with this situation and likely we explored different ways of handling it.
If we continued to run into the same situation, our mind developed a belief on what was safe for us...and what was not safe for us.

A belief is simply a thought pattern...meaning we have had that same thought enough times that we have accepted it as our reality.

We can always choose different thoughts...but many of us are not aware that the thoughts we are having inside our head are actually our thoughts.

We have heard similar things from our parents, teachers & friends throughout the course of our lives. And we get to where we carry on conversations inside our head. And many of us get to where we believe that what a person is saying inside of our head...actually comes from that person.

Even if they said that to us at one point, the way our mind continues to pore over it and make new conversations from it, make much more out of that conversation than ever really existed.
What we don't realize is that those people are having conversations inside their head of what someone else said to them.

And quite likely even if they said something mean to us...it wasn't really intended for us. They were simply projecting out their fearful feelings to you about a situation that they had with someone else...most likely something that happened to them as a child....something that they've long forgotten about on a conscious level.

And that brings us back to Self-Nurturing.

We can learn to nurture ourselves. There are many people who are willing to teach us how to do that.

The first obstacle we have to get past though is to not just scoff at the idea as ridiculous. This is also an ego defense. :-)

We have to get past that point. We have to believe that it is possible to go back and heal the little boy or girl that is within us.

How many times have you said, "This is just the way I am."

You're right. It is. But it doesn't have to be that way.

You can choose to change. You can choose to be the person you dream of yourself as being. Calm, confident, at peace and loving to others. It is safe to be whoever you wish to be.

Many times we do not change because we believe that we cannot, that this is simply "our lot in life...the cross we have to bear", etc.

I don't believe you came into this world to "bear a cross." I believe you came into this world to overcome some challenges. And you can overcome them if you believe you can.
It may require some work on your part. You may have to change some beliefs about yourself and your world, but you can do it.

Or you can't...it is your decision which path you take.

The good news is that you can decide in any given moment to take a different path.

If you choose to uncover how you created your beliefs, know that it is also possible to let go of these beliefs and replace them with what you do want to create.

I tried for many years to do affirmations and found limited success in doing that. However, once I found a way to let go of the beliefs that were limiting me, I found that the affirmations took hold much easier and started bringing results much quicker.

That doesn't mean I am a multi-millionaire just yet. :-)

I didn't feel like it would do me much good to BE a multi-millionaire and yet not like the person I saw when I looked in the mirror. Because if I didn't, then I would be constantly fearful of losing that money...because I would have felt that I didn't really deserve it.

Through Self-nurturing, I have come to accept that person I see in the mirror. Unconditionally accept him.

I accept that he has lost some hair in the past 20 years and I'm not going to buy more Rogaine or have hair surgery again or anything else. I'm just going to love and accept him the way he is.

I am going to accept that occasionally he's going to make a mistake...but I will also accept that it's not really a mistake. All it is...is an experience to learn from. I will accept that I may have to have that same experience though a few times before I finally learn what it is that I need to learn from it.

But what I find that when I fully accept that in myself...that I see others differently as well. I find that I realize that others are going to make mistakes and they are going to make them in order for them to learn what they need to learn.

I accept that their learning experiences don't necessarily have to be about me.
If I have someone yelling at me for any reason, I can accept that they may be simply be so full of anger and pain, that their pain doesn't have anywhere to go...but out...and that I just happened to be standing there when it did.

It doesn't have to do with me now...and it didn't when I was four either. I simply happened to have been standing there when my mother or father was yelling. I accept that they were so full of their own pain that their pain and anger had nowhere to go...but out.

The more I learn I am safe in the world, the more I understand what happened to me...and what happened to you as well.

Self-Nurturing is what has helped me to feel safe.

The first key for any of you wanting to learn to nurture yourself is to start to be aware of what you tell yourself. Be aware that you say things to yourself...either directly...or you imagine others saying to you...that you would never tell your best friend.

Learn to become your own best friend. Learn to tell yourself good things about yourself. Learn to appreciate your strengths and learn to encourage yourself about what you see as your "weaknesses."
These are simply the areas of your life in which you aren't as good as your mind tells you that you should be.
What would your friend tell you about these areas. Either they would encourage you...or tell you "Hey, nobody's perfect. Just do the best you can."

Learn to change those conversations and visualizations in your head to change them the way you want them to come out. If nothing else, you will notice that you FEEL so much better about the conversations you have in your mind.

You CAN learn to nurture yourself.

These are just some practical ways to start that.