Learning to Accept a New Paradigm

Last year I was laid off from a company for which I had worked almost twelve years. I had been given a few months notice, but was still largely in denial for what it would really mean for my life once it happened. I was given a severance and cut loose in July 2007.

Now since I had been working towards becoming a Spiritual Life Coach since June 2004, that was my plan. I thought I would just launch a website, take a few months to attract enough client to support me and I would be off and running. After all, I knew other people who had businesses that operated off solely "word of mouth" marketing...and I knew I had a solid product and service.

I also had a few clients to start with and fully expected things to grow from there.

But here's an interesting thing I was overlooking. I had beliefs that had not fully been surfaced regarding money and my career. I had beliefs that told me I could make a lot of money if I worked hard...but only if that "job" was something that I really "had to work at."

Working in the corporate world is that way for me. Sure, I can do it and I can be successful at it, but it doesn't come easily to me. It's "work."

Whereas, something like writing or coaching or teaching...those things come easily to me. They don't feel like work to me...so my belief system hasn't equated that with making money.

In the last year, I used my newfound excess of time as wisely as I could. I completed my Spiritual Life Coaching certification. I was Board Certified by the AADP and I even finished a book that I had been working on for a couple of years, which I am now shopping to a Literary Agent.

But the increase in clients...the success I had envisioned never transpired. Every month, I lost money. I couldn't face that this was happening to me. I couldn't face that while I knew how to BE a good Spiritual Life Coach, I didn't know how to market.

I finally admitted that to myself and prayed about that. I found a partner who knows about that and found that my wife knows far more about that than I do. But the problem I still had is that I felt inadequate because I didn't know how to do these things for myself. I felt inadequate because I felt like I was supposed to know how to do everything. I felt inadequate because I had gone from making a very good living to depending on my wife to go out into the world and make a living.

All of it was a huge blow to my ego.

My saving grace was being able to sit down with my clients every week and help them to see more of their truth. And the more of it that they were able to see, the more courage I witnessed them displaying, the more I was able to look within and be honest with myself.

So this blog post is sort of a coming out party. I have always been as emotionally honest in my posts as I could be...but I have also always felt that I had to put forth the persona that I had everything under control. I know now that by doing that I am not only being less than honest with myself. I am being less than honest with you...and with God.

So I am admitting that I don't know exactly what I'm doing. I am admitting that I need help. I need help in marketing my services. I need help in figuring out how to pay my self-employment taxes...which after looking at an H&R Block site, that may not be a big deal...but I still need someone who I can talk about that with.

I need to help myself by practicing envisioning my ideal outcome and meditating on that. I need to ask my clients to recommend my services to others and be willing for help to show up in unexpected forms...meaning being open to God showing up in my life in unexpected ways.

I also know that unless I am able to attract about 10 clients a week pretty soon...I am going to have to get a corporate job again and even doing that has been difficult as I feel somewhat that I am swimming against the flow of life.

I know in my heart that my purpose in life is to help others find their way home to the Peace, Love and Joy that resides within them.

But I also need help to find my place in the world, so God...this is my request and I am putting this out there with no real idea as to what will happen from this.

And releasing control...is...a big step for me.

Namaste,

Jeff