Why I Was Afraid to Grow

I spent the past couple of years growing, but not growing as fast as I knew I could. There was a part of me that was afraid to grow faster. In having shed much of my emotional baggage and being at a different place spiritually, emotionally and vibrationally now than many of my friends and family, I felt a much wider divide there than I had ever felt before.

For most of my life I had felt different, but when they complained about the issues of the day or their bodies or their relationships, I was there to empathize and share my own lamentations. However now in having released the source of many of those reflections and in understanding that it was I who was creating my own reality, I no longer had anything to share. And if I did share, they looked at me like I was crazy. If I tried to share with them that focusing on their problems just made it worse or tried to talk to them about possible solutions, it was if I was now speaking a different language. I realized over time that I had outgrown people and I was sad about that. And so I slowed my growth down in the hopes that many could "catch" up.

Now not only did that not happen, but I started to be depressed because I wasn't allowing myself to be what I am. In essence, I didn't accept myself...my new self. I started living in this new "limbo" kind of area, somewhere between where I could be and where I had been. It was my own private purgatory.

I had recently married and some of the skirmishes we were having early one stemmed from the disparate perspectives we had on how to resolve differences. I felt she wanted me to change in order for her to feel better. Good or bad, right or wrong, I was reflecting back to her what she most needed to heal. But I misunderstood the signs I was seeing. I thought the fights we were having were because I was too far ahead of her in my growth, but in reality it was because I was not far enough. If I had been further along, I would have been able to just validate what she was feeling and help her to understand why she was feeling that. Instead I was being triggered as well, feeling that I was somehow responsible for her feelings and feeling resentful for that. You see, I was being triggered as well and I couldn't see it. She was also reflecting back to me what I most needed to heal.

I had been afraid to grow because I thought I would outgrow those people I loved the most. Yet what had happened was exactly the opposite. The more I restricted my growth, the more my world seemed to fall apart. I experienced more health issues, more weight issues, more abundance issues and more relationship issues. I now I had new tools to handle all of these things, but I wasn't living the joyous life I thought my spiritual growth would bring. I had allowed myself to fall back into some of those same illusions that had kept me stuck for so long in the first place.

What happened to me is a question I get from clients quite often. They ask, "What if I outgrow my family, my wife, my husband, my children?" And then because they fear it, they create exactly that situation and "think" (like I did) that their growth is the problem, when their FEAR is the problem.

They, like I, must be willing to face that fear and let it go. They will learn to realize and recognize like I did, that others are simply reflecting their own fear back to them. They are looking for support and validation from their family and what they see is their own fear reflected back to them. The divide they feel is their own doubt...it is the last ditch effort from their ego mind to stay in control. And then if they dwell on it too much, it will create dis-ease within their bodies, within their relationships, their career and ultimately erode their overall sense of self-worth and satisfaction with life.

It is normal to fear outgrowing people. But I finally did recognize that this was just a fear...False Evidence Appearing Real. Once I saw the fear out there in front of me, I knew that this was just a belief laced with fear that I needed to let go. Because what happened when I began to grow is that people around me either supported my desire to grow by helping me or growing with me. I realized that by increasing my connection to my Higher Self, I was bringing more light and love into the world for everyone to benefit. And the more they grew, the more I benefited.

I realized that I was never helping anyone by not growing. Now that doesn't mean that my ego doesn't find some piece of false evidence from time to time. But the more I meditate, the more I strengthen my connection with my Higher Self, with my guides and with the angels that apparently watch over me, the easier my life becomes.

If you feel stuck, afraid to grow for whatever reason, afraid to leave behind all that you've ever known, I can tell you that your fears can never be conquered by letting them control your life. While you may not get that sharp pang of fear by ignoring your soul's call for you to grow, you will also not be able to experience deep peace and happiness. There will always be that subtle feeling in the back of your mind and the pit of your stomach; a feeling that you are comfortable with the "devil you know." The very fears you don't want to face are the ones you have to face and let go of in order to find the peace within you. Yet you do not have to let go of the fear in order to find the peace. This was how I used to think things had to be and it restricted my growth. I will be writing more about this later.

You CAN find that peace and use that feeling of peace to let go of the fear and all the problems that fear creates. If you need help with that, contact me and let's face your fear together.

Namaste

Jeff

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